Not getting want you want? Move away from Blame & Victim

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blame you

I recently found myself acting as a victim and I definitely had someone to blame.

This person wasn’t treating me right. They weren’t treating me way I wanted to be treated and I deserved to be treated right.

As a result of being treated, in my mind, so wrongly, I made a decision.  I wasn’t going to continue the relationship. Why should I stick around when I wasn’t being treated right?

While I was stewing over this and using my energy to build my case against this other person a saying popped in to my head. It is a saying that I share with participants in my seminars.

It goes like this: We teach people how to treat us.

Thinking about that saying caused me to pause, reflect and then ask, if it was true that I was teaching them how to treat me, then, “What did I need to do to start getting treated the way I wanted to be treated?

Wow!

What a perfect question.

Asking that question turned it around for me.

Asking that question took me from a victim stance to one where I was in charge of doing something that would get me a different result.

When we are acting in the role of Victims and Blamers we aren’t able to find solutions because all solutions begin with us and we are not looking at us when we are in these places.

The answer to the question: What did I need to do to start getting treated the way I wanted to be treated,  was easy to discover, all I needed to do was to look at the complaints the other person was making about me and in turn had them treating me the way that they were. A way I didn’t like.

I saw exactly what I could do to begin moving towards the results I was seeking.

To do so I had to

  • Give up blame
  • Give up acting like a victim
  • Take an action towards the results I was seeking

 

Use these three simple yet powerful steps to get you moving towards getting what you want.

 

All the Best,

Bill

 

 

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